Monday, April 25, 2011
Still learning about myself, AKA The Charlie Experiment
I researched the breed and found an adult in my area that fit many criteria that I thought would be perfect for me. I went to see her with Leslie at the SPCA but she was no longer there. While we were there we decided to play with the puppies and we fell in love with Charlie. He is the best puppy I have ever seen. He is only two months old but so smart and bonded immediately with me. However, after only one night my apartment felt so dirty and I felt so itchy and anxious that I could not take it anymore. I thought that Charlie would help me not feel alone, but the fact is that I am more passionate about my interior space than I am about having a companion, and I need to be honest about that.
I think that people encounter problems when they try to do and be what they are not. I got married young because I wanted to prove to my family that I was mature and could make it work, and I couldn't, and should not have gotten married. I am now in my thirties and set in my ways and like being alone and I wanted to prove to myself that I am not selfish and cold and could take care of a living thing. The fact is that I CAN, but I don't want to. I realized that I am perfectly happy by myself in my routine. I was trying to do something that is not right for me and it chafed like ill-fitting shoes.
Charlie is the most amazing dog I have ever seen, and if I were going to have one, he would be it. But the simple truth is that I am not passionate about animals nor do I have to have one to be a good person. I AM nurturing and loving and I think that I would be a good parent; I simply like my orderly life the way it is now. I am glad I had Charlie for two days - it was a beautiful experience...I hope I continue to learn about myself and from this experience and I hope that I will not do anything in the future that is not me just to try to prove something to myself or others. I want to be true to who I am.
Have a great week!