Tuesday, August 14, 2012

life changes

I will be 36 in a week. I am excited about this past year, but I am feeling lost and scared about the future. 35 was honestly the best year of my life. I feel like I was happier and more comfortable in my skin than I ever have been. I had more clients and better jobs than ever. I was inspired and creative and some really wonderful things happened in my personal life, as well.

But now, on the edge of 36, I feel trapped. I have always felt like a shark, in the way that if I am not doing something major (getting a degree, a new apartment, a new relationship, losing weight, traveling, a huge job, i.e. moving FORWARD) then I am dying. I don't feel like there is anything major for me in New Orleans anymore. I am constantly getting new work and I love this city. But I don't feel adventure/magic/sparkly here anymore. It's the thrill that I only get from the unknown. I need a new city, new people, new POSSIBILITIES. I found when I wrote my New Year's resolutions on this blog last year that I made them come true. When I wrote about what I wanted in my 35th year I made it happen. So I do believe that you have to write it down. Scary as it is, here it is: I want to move in one year. I don't know if it will be another city, state, or country. But I will be spending my 37th birthday in my new place; my new life.

I am terrified like I have never been before. When I moved to Mexico at 19 I was running away from all my mistakes and had the courage of a stupid kid. When I moved here from Mexico I was only 26 with no possessions or debt or fear and I was leaving a bad marriage. When I moved to NYC after Hurricane Katrina I had nothing to lose; it was all gone anyway. The common denominator was that my situation was always more uncomfortable than the unknown. I was confident that the new place would be better than the one I was in. Now I have been in the same steady job for almost seven years and I am spoiled by the consistency and the steady paycheck. I am comfortable and so this time moving feels like stepping off a cliff.
But I know I can't just keep floating along in comfort. Content is not enough. I have to have adventures or it isn't a life worth living. Right?

Are you going to step off a cliff this year? Tell me about it!


Anonymous said...

I think this is a great plan. I did not know you lived in Mexico and you moving to NY and accomplishing what you have so far is so impressive. I can really relate to feeling trapped and/or too comfortable and wanting to make changes. xox

Laura@happyroost said...

Make it happen! It was encouraging for me to read this because I often feel the same way. Throughout college every year was a new apartment, then it was graduating, my first "big girl job", getting married, buying a house and now everything feels so permanent and kinda boring. I LOVE my house but I also want to move and try out new cities and new jobs and gain experience before I get any older and "set in my ways", haha. I'm only 27 so I feel like I have some time but I still feel stuck sometimes!

Thanks for writing this. It's nice to know there are others out there shakin it up a bit!


Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

believe it or not - i'm about to make a HUGE jump! - i have my goals set and i'm just going for them - no mater what - i just gotta' DO IT - i don't wanna wake up 1 day and regret i didn't --- i think ur brilliant - GO FOR IT - live!

Elizabeth said...

Thanks, guys - I was never scared every time I moved I knew no one and had no job but I knew that within a month I would be good, and I always was. But now with debts and the economy, etc.. it is impossible to be so confident. I need to do it for my own sanity, though!

Anonymous said...

I can completely relate, Elizabeth. My career has always required me to move around so if I'm not doing that, I feel like I need to be doing something at least. I think that's what makes me well suited as an Army wife. I love moving around and new challenges. I look forward to seeing where your move takes you and I have no doubt you'll do it with style and grace. After all, you've already accomplished so much! Until now, I didn't even know about some your past you listed here. It gives me nothing but even more respect for you. You are definitely someone who can achieve anything she sets her mind too. I wish you all the best in your newest journey.



Erika [small shop] said...

Definitely do it now! Once you buy a home and have kids you won't have the flexibility. Period. So if you have the itch, satisfy it now while you can! I'm confident once you find your mate, you won't have that need anymore. You'll be content anywhere as long as you're together ;0)

Katherine @Antweak said...

adventure time! i know no matter where you land, it will be the right place for you...bc you will make it so!

I'll miss ya though!

Lonely Wife Project said...

I'm with Erika. Enjoy before you settle down with a husband because you may never have that option again. Oh and move to San Diego!

Elizabeth said...

Sabs - SD is def in the running! The cost of living in Cali kills me though. Thanks to all for your support!
xoxo - E

Rebecca June said...

Uh, yes, please move to Southern California. It is pricey, but so worth it.


Rebecca June