Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I will be 36 in a week. I am excited about this past year, but I am feeling lost and scared about the future. 35 was honestly the best year of my life. I feel like I was happier and more comfortable in my skin than I ever have been. I had more clients and better jobs than ever. I was inspired and creative and some really wonderful things happened in my personal life, as well.
But now, on the edge of 36, I feel trapped. I have always felt like a shark, in the way that if I am not doing something major (getting a degree, a new apartment, a new relationship, losing weight, traveling, a huge job, i.e. moving FORWARD) then I am dying. I don't feel like there is anything major for me in New Orleans anymore. I am constantly getting new work and I love this city. But I don't feel adventure/magic/sparkly here anymore. It's the thrill that I only get from the unknown. I need a new city, new people, new POSSIBILITIES. I found when I wrote my New Year's resolutions on this blog last year that I made them come true. When I wrote about what I wanted in my 35th year I made it happen. So I do believe that you have to write it down. Scary as it is, here it is: I want to move in one year. I don't know if it will be another city, state, or country. But I will be spending my 37th birthday in my new place; my new life.
I am terrified like I have never been before. When I moved to Mexico at 19 I was running away from all my mistakes and had the courage of a stupid kid. When I moved here from Mexico I was only 26 with no possessions or debt or fear and I was leaving a bad marriage. When I moved to NYC after Hurricane Katrina I had nothing to lose; it was all gone anyway. The common denominator was that my situation was always more uncomfortable than the unknown. I was confident that the new place would be better than the one I was in. Now I have been in the same steady job for almost seven years and I am spoiled by the consistency and the steady paycheck. I am comfortable and so this time moving feels like stepping off a cliff.
But I know I can't just keep floating along in comfort. Content is not enough. I have to have adventures or it isn't a life worth living. Right?
Are you going to step off a cliff this year? Tell me about it!
Posted by Elizabeth at 11:00 AM